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Writer's pictureChris Massie

Your Fears Determine Your Boundaries

I was listening to someone recently, and, like happens many times when I listen to this particular man, my mind was blown and my perspective changed.


He said this,

Your fears determine your boundaries....When you fear risk, you stay safe and secure.

Whoa! How did he pin me down like that so quickly?!


I thought back to one of my youngest fears I can remember.


As a kid, I was afraid of the dark. In particular, I was afraid of the darkness along our sidewalk outside our home growing up.


We lived in a partially underground house. The front door faced a small yard and a pond, and a sidewalk wrapped its way around a hill that piled up next to the house.


In that hill there were flowers and trees that were beautiful during the daylight, but they held dark secrets and imaginary monsters when the daylight faded.


Whenever I was alone moving along that sidewalk at night, I would always sprint. I followed the lights along the path that lit the way, and there was no way I was going to be overtaken by the mysterious blackness that hid in those shadows.


My fear of the darkness determined the boundary of light for me.

I never crossed beyond it!


Yet it has been true in other areas of my life as well.


Over the years, I have never enjoyed a lot of risk. There were unknowns and insecurities about what may happen if I was unsuccessful in a certain venture.

So I rarely risked.


My fear of taking a risk determined my boundary of playing it safe and staying where I felt secure.


  • In a job.

  • In a routine.

  • In a relationship.

  • In a group.


I had found my comfort zones, and I didn't break out of them easily.


Yet when I heard this man speak these words recently, I couldn't help but feel my soul lift and elevate.

Because I didn't want to remain as I have for so long.


He shared a few more thoughts, and I have contemplated them some more.

I want to share with you three things I am learning to do with fear.


1 - Move Toward Your Fear

The first thing I do is I make a move toward my fear, not away from it. I do this with intention and purpose.


You see, when I step toward what I am afraid of, it surprisingly becomes less scary because it's less unknown.


Most of my fears are fears of the unknown.

I don't know what may be hiding in the darkness beside that sidewalk.

I don't know what may happen if I don't succeed with a business idea.


Yet when I step towards it, it holds less power.


2 - What is Fear Telling You?

The next thing I do is ask myself a question. I ask what the fear is telling me.


You see, at first, fear seems to be yelling,

  • to stay away,

  • to stay safe,

  • to not do this,

  • to not do that.


It's very abrupt and bossy.


Yet that's not what I'm looking for or listening to.


Fear has something to tell me, but it comes in a whisper.

And I can only hear it when I get close to it and ask what it's trying to tell me.


You see, fear is a mirror to what's going on inside myself.

But I have to take a look ... on purpose.


3 - Use Fear to Your Advantage

Once I have asked what fear has to tell me, I now know what I must change to increase my capacity and to raise my level of growth and leadership.


But only if I take action on what I have learned from my fear.


My fears reveal my boundaries.

They show where I am being held back from growing and progressing and increasing.


If I truly desire to grow and progress and increase in any arena of my life, then I must take action to make a change when I see the opportunity.


Now it's your turn.

You've been presented with some truths and insight into how to handle your own fears.


You see, we will all have fears at various time of life.

Sometimes fears can feel crippling because of the monstrous size or volume of the fear.

Sometimes fear is simply a new unknown option on the horizon.


Do this the very next time you sense that fear is near.


Move toward it on purpose.

Listen to what it is whispering to you.

Use what you learn to your advantage by taking action.


Because I believe this about you, even without knowing you deeply:

You were created for more.


More capacity as a leader.

More influence in your community.

More resources to control and handle.


The best way to reach that next level is by doing these three things.


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