I was working on a project yesterday for an upcoming speaking engagement.
The message took shape pretty quickly, but they often do when it's something you're excited about!
Then a song came on that took me back to the Tuesday night after my surgery this summer.
I had a major surgery to remove the cancerous tumor growing on my tongue.
As part of the process, I had a tracheostomy, which meant I was breathing through a tube for about 5 days since my tongue and throat had swelled from the surgery.
A few times a day, the trach would get clogged with my own phlegm, making it difficult to breathe until it was cleared with a suction tube.
I awoke on that Tuesday night very early in the morning, being startled out of a disturbing dream.
In my dream, I had been involved in a car accident, and my lungs were pierced.
Even though I was conscious at this point in real life, I felt like my reality was that dream.
I was struggling to breathe, feeling panicky.
My brain did not think to alert my wife sleeping on the couch a few feet away, because I couldn't see her in the dark.
My brain did not think to alert a nurse with a push of the call button, because I was not thinking clearly.
My brain was thinking this:
Just give up.
Why breathe any longer?
Just quit.
Why try to survive?
It's too difficult to breathe.
Why go on?
It was the lowest point of my hospital stay.
Even as I write this, I can still remember what those moments felt like.
Almost as if my life was being pulled from me beyond my will.
But then...
...something happened.
I had a flashback to when I was in Bible college.
We had Sunday evening chapel services called Encounter.
My flashback was when I was standing on stage, alone, with a single spotlight shining on me.
This wasn't a false dream, but an actual memory of something that happened 20 years before.
As part of the event that evening, I stood up and sang the Doxology.
For those who may not know what the Doxology is, here are the lyrics:
Praise God from whom all blessings flow.
Praise Him all creatures here below.
Praise Him above ye heavenly host.
Praise Father, Son and Holy Ghost.
Amen.
In the hospital bed that Tuesday night, I could not sing those words out loud--I was struggling to breathe!
But in my heart, in my spirit, I was belting that song out for all I was worth!
Even in the midst of recovering from surgery and not being able to breathe well at the moment, I could sing those words with sincerity.
Because I believed it was the right step toward gaining healing in my body.
I still believe that!
Maybe you'll think this next part is hogwash, but that's ok.
This is my experience.
I felt God's presence in that moment, the lowest point of my entire hospital stay, and possibly the lowest point of my entire life.
Yet He showed up in that moment and rescued me.
I was rescued from those destructive thoughts of giving up.
From the thoughts that I didn't matter.
From the idea that there was nothing to live for.
It turned from my lowest point of the whole journey to one of the most powerful moments I will remember the rest of my life.
So when the song came on the Pandora station I was listening to yesterday, all of those emotions came flooding back.
Tears rolled down my face again.
I was grateful once again for how God showed up in my life and rescued me from the darkness.
A few weeks after I was out of the hospital and back home, I had a friend reach out.
She said that she felt God wake her up in the middle of a Tuesday night to pray for me.
I was stunned...and amazed!
That God would wake up a friend to pray for me, to rescue me from my lowest point, to show me that He cares about me.
He cares about you too.
That's humbling and deeply moving, all at the same time, isn't it?
Here are a couple takeaways for you today.
1 - If you feel the urge to speak life into someone's situation, go for it.
If you feel the urge to pray for someone, even when you don't know what's going on, go for it.
You won't know until afterward how much life you are able to bring into the situation.
2 - God cares about you.
This story of mine ... is for you.
Because you matter.
Your life matters.
There is purpose for you.
There is a reason to keep going and to not give up.
So, don't stop.
Don't give up.
Breathe.
May God snap you out of the lowest point of your life, and may He rescue you from the darkness.
If you need life spoken into you, I'm your guy.
Just reach out.
While an outside force may have tried to give me tongue cancer so I would never speak again, my destiny is not set by that outside force.
I was created to speak life, and when I feel the urge, I speak it.
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